Can I join the Justice League?

Many superheroes gain their powers through some random accident or mishap.

Peter Parker "gets bitten by a radioactive spider during a science demonstration" and becomes Spiderman. Bruce Wayne "[witnessed] the murder of his parents as a child [leading] him to train himself to physical and intellectual perfection and don a bat-themed costume in order to fight crime" as Batman. Dr. Robert Bruce Banner "was caught in the blast of a gamma bomb he created" and was transformed into the Incredible Hulk. (Source: Wikipedia)

Therefore, I had my hopes up on Saturday night that perhaps it would be my turn.

You see, I was undergoing a sleep study at Global Sleep to see if I have any sleeping disorders. Rumor has had it for quite some time that I snore. That's been the urban legend within Summit Ministries and among my friends for many years. It seems like each retreat, ski trip, or mission trip stirs up the rumors once again. Now that I have a permanent roommate, it was time to solve the mystery once and for all. (Her cell phone recording of my snoring gave some degree of proof to the myth, but that is not scientific data, thank you very much!)

So there I was -- asleep in a poorly decorated room on the 6th floor of a six-story office building in the Town & Country area. I tried to convince myself that I was in a penthouse suite. (That's how I like to think I roll.) But the reality is, I've never stayed in a place that hooks you up with wires and sensors to monitor your eye movement, jaw movement, leg movement, brainwaves, breathing, oxygen level and more. At least not that I know of.

At some point in the wee hours of the night, I was awakened by a low rumbling sound. Was it one of the machines monitoring my every breath and movement? Was it a delivery truck or garbage collector making their late night run?

FLASH!

The lightning revealed the source of my premature awakening. A thunderstorm was rolling in to town.

"This is my chance," I thought. "It's my turn now!"

A bolt of lightning hitting just the right place on the building would send an electrical surge through the steel beams, through the electrical socket, into the monitoring devices and down the wires connected to my body. In that split-second -- before anybody knew what happened -- I would become the next great American superhero . . .

THE SNORATOR

Oh, yes! As The Snorator, I could make people drowsy or put them into a deep sleep at the snap of my fingers (as opposed to at the writing of a boring blog entry). Imagine the good this could do for the world!

• Crying babies would no longer annoy audiences at movies the infant's parents shouldn't have brought them to in the first place!


• Long-winded politicians and pundits would never finish their rants on cable news programs!


• Whoever the Astros are playing in the post-season playoffs would never be quite alert enough to put up a fight!


• Nobody would tune in to watch Oprah taking a nap!

The possibilities are endless!

But alas, the lightning never struck. My opportunity was lost. I am not the next great American superhero. That means I cannot save the world as I had hoped -- and it means I have to put Braden's twin-size sheet back on his bed.

I won't need a cape after all.