Jesus in the 'burbs

Turns out, Jesus has already returned and set up shop right here in H-Town. How convenient for us.

And by "us" I mean the loons who believe this guy.

• Report on KHOU Channel 11
• Dr. Jose Luis de Jesus Miranda's website (English and Spanish)

Simply The Best

Here's another one of my children. This one appears in the Houston Press' "Best of Houston 2006" edition (hit the streets today, September 28). You can find the ad on page 10, opposite the table of contents. (Location! Location! Location!)

Unfortunately, I'm having trouble uploading the JPG of the ad. Here's what it says:

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Best man.
Best friend.
Best lover.

Best Savior.

Life is not about being the best. It’s about knowing The Best. Let us introduce you to the best man you’ll ever meet, the best friend you’ll ever have, the best lover you’ll ever know. And He’s not just the best Savior, He’s the only true Savior in a world of false ones. So stop by and visit. We would love to introduce you to Jesus Christ.

HoustonsFirst.org

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When readers go to the website, they'll see an animated button with "Best man/Best friend/Best lover/Best Savior" on it. When they click the button, they'll go to a page that explains exactly why Jesus Christ is The Best.

Please pray that God will use this ad to reach people who need to hear the Truth -- people who need to truly know The Best!

Over the Top(pers)

Do you need proof that

(1) we have everything we need as a nation of consumers, or
(2) our scientists and engineers are bored silly?

If so, take a look at Keebler Townhouse Toppers. The Keebler website did not offer a product description, but here's one I found on another website:

"Keebler Townhouse Toppers are crackers that are built for topping, dipping or just munching straight out of the box. Raised edges help tasty nibbles stay put, and a crisp, strong ergonomic construction allows the crackers to hold heavy dips or scoop up hefty toppings."

Seriously? Who uses "ergonomic construction" to describe food? And is the trip from the dip bowl to your mouth so volatile that you need raised edges to help the dip stay put? We're not transporting your grandmother's china or liquid nitrogen. It's bean dip! For the love!

So, here's a question: What other products have you come across that serve as evidence of our nation having everything we need and of our scientists and engineers being bored silly?

It's trying

I would rather spend 5 minutes in a dressing room with an ebola-infected monkey than try on clothes.

That's all.

"Lost" and Found

Weeks ago, I lost my wallet. Talk about frustrating. Since I often eat here at work in the Garden Cafe and charge it to my bill, it took about a day or so before I realized I didn't have my wallet anymore. I just never needed it.

I searched my car, my office, and, yes, even my bedroom for the wallet. Since many of you know how notoriously disastrous my room is, that was quite an endeavor. In fact, I held out hope for a few days before cancelling my cards thinking that somehow, in the midst of the debris field that is my room, my wallet would appear. But it did not.

So, I cancelled my debit and credit card, mourned the loss of my laminated picture of me and George W. Bush, and came to grips with the reality that I would have to venture to the DPS office to get a new driver license.

Fortunately, Catha Duck and Laura Bell needed to go to the DPS, too. One of them lost her license and one of them let her license expire. Catha sent an Evite to me and Laura (the smallest Evite I've ever received) inviting us to join her on a trip to the DPS.

Our trip could be a whole blog entry in itself. The process of just getting to the DPS office was eventful enough. Once we arrived ... well, that's when the hilarity really began. I was reminded while there that if you ever need an ego boost, go to to the DPS office. You are almost certain to be the best looking person there. Unless, of course, you go with Catha and Laura. (How sweet was that?)

Anywho ... I bought a cheap wallet at Target to replace the one I lost. My new debit and credit cards came with all new numbers that I have to memorize. And I'm constantly having to update automatic billing information as vendors send me notices that they could not process my payment since the debit card is no longer valid. What a hassle. And I hate hassles. Hate 'em.

But on Wednesday of this week, while doing some laundry, I felt a suspicous lump. There it was -- my wallet, securely located in the front pocket of a pair of khakis along with a grape Jolly Rancher.

I know what you're thinking. "Why grape? Watermelon is the best!" Well, that's what some of you are thinking. The rest of you are thinking, "Why didn't you check your dirty clothes earlier?"

I did. I just overlooked it. Again, consider the context of my room. Needle in a haystack, folks. Needle in a haystack.

For me, the moral of the story is this: I have too many pants. If I can go for over a month and not need that pair of khakis in the rotation, I have a problem. Either I have too many, or I wear the same pairs too often. Either way, it ain't right.

So, my wallet is back, $53 is safe, and my picture of me and W is ready to show off. The best part of all this? My driver license photo reflect 4 years of haircuts -- or lack thereof.

Baby pictures

Since I do not have kids of my own, I've had to stick with showing pictures of and telling stories about my niece and nephew for the past 12 years. But since Kyle and Kristin entered junior high school this year, their pictures may be mistaken for some folks in Summit Ministries.

It's time for me to get some more "children" to show off.

So, how about one of our advertising campaigns? They feel like children to me -- we conceived the idea, they were born, and now they're turning into productive members of the family. Or at least we pray they'll be productive!

Here's one of our kids -- our electronic display at Reliant Stadium. Our 30-second spot is shown at least once per quarter during every Houston Texans home game. This picture was taken during the team's pre-game warm-up at their sold-out season opener this past Sunday.

Isn't she adorable?

Over The Limit

Well, it looks like I won't be taking any mission trips again. At least not on Continental.