Adventures with Coffee

A couple of stories from our attempt to find coffee on Friday night ...

Adventure #1
Amanda and I went to the POPS concert at Jones Hall with my family on Friday night. Afterwards, she and I decided to go somewhere for some coffee since it wasn't very late and since Braden with with her parents that evening. A perfect setting for a spontaneous "date" with each other.

Since Daily Grind now closes at some ridiculously early hour, I decided to try a place I had seen further down on Washington Avenue closer to downtown. It was a bit of a risk since I had never been before, but what the heck -- let's give it a try.

As we drove past it, we slowed down to look inside. The lights were on and there were at least 10-12 people sitting around at tables. Good sign.

So, we parked in the back parking lot and entered through the back door. That entrance opened into a small hallway where the restrooms were located. Amanda stopped by the ladies' room and I proceeded to go through the next door into the main room.

Since the counter was on my left, my attention immediately turned to the large menu board. The clerk politely informed me that they would be closing in about 20 minutes, but I continued to look over the available drinks.

However, I was greatly disturbed and uneasy. I knew that there were several people in the room, but it was practically dead silent. Since my back was to the tables as I looked over the menu, I really couldn't assess what was going on.

Was my fly open?
Had I crashed a private party?
Had they mistaken me for Matthew McConaughy?

So, I casually put my hands in my pockets, looked down at my feet, and tried to act all "breezy" as I waited for Amanda to come out. Then, as effortlessly as possible, I looked up to face the silent crowd, not knowing what I would discover.

As it turns out, the coffee shop that night was filled with 10-12 deaf people -- all of whom were actively engaged in lively discussions with one another over lattes and mochas. The silence had nothing to do about me at all. I went back into the hallway where the restrooms were located and waited for Amanda. I explained that the shop was closing in 20 minutes, and suggested we try to find another place. Then I told her what had transpired.

Bless my heart.

Adventure #2
In search of coffee, we drove by the obligatory Cafe Brasil (one of my least favorite places) and quickly crossed it off the list. There was a band playing -- one of the reasons I don't care for the place. Too small and too loud. Empire Cafe looked promising, but they, too, were closing in about 10 minutes. (Since when is 11:00 pm the standard closing time?)

Not wanting to hang out at a Starbucks, I asked Amanda if Mama's Cafe were OK with her. (I do love me some of their cinnamon coffee!) She said that it was, but admitted that since she only likes fancy-schmancy coffee drinks, there really isn't much there for her. So, we drove through Starbucks to get her a Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha.

As we walked up to Mama's, Amanda asked if I were sure that she could bring the Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha in with her. "No problem," I assured her. "This place is very casual -- they won't mind."

Not two seconds later, we enter the front door and see a sign that says "No outside beverages" posted right inside. It was on 8.5 x 11 paper and taped to the door. Clearly, this was a new policy courtesy of the Mama's Cafe management.

Amanda was reluctant to break the rules, but in a momentary lapse of leadership, I encouraged her to hide the Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha and bring it in. So as not to look too suspicious as we debated the risks inside the vestibule with the host looking at us through the glass doors, I quickly opened the door and asked for a booth for two.

Amanda slyly walked with her Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha down by her side. I was reminded of a Seinfeld episode in that moment -- the one where Raquel Welch plays herself and is criticized for not swinging her arms when she walks.

We get to our booth and Amanda quickly places her contraband Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha in the corner, blocked from view by her purse and jacket.

Thanks to a slow waitress, we had time to plan our strategy for how Amanda will be able to drink her Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha. We would BOTH order coffee, and I would drink hers first -- very quickly. Then, she would poor her Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha into her cup. Genius! Right?

Well, we didn't plan out all of the details. I ordered my cinnamon coffee, and then Amanda ordered plain coffee. ("Oh no," I thought, "I'll have to drink plain unflavored coffee!") When the coffee came, I did my best to drink her cup -- but it was REALLY hot and REALLY dark.

Amanda suggested that we pour the coffee into her water glass. I suggested that I poor it into one of the potted plants nearby. We opted for the water glass option -- creating what looked like a cup of iced tea. If the waitress were paying any attention at all, she may wonder where that glass of tea had come from.

Our solution? Put it on the floor and out of site. We did not account for how to explain the missing water glass if the waitress were to come and refill. Fortunately, the waitress did not seem to be playing with a full deck that night and never said a word.

But we couldn't make the transfer just yet. The waitress had not brought us any creamer, so for Amanda to suddenly have an obviously creamed cup of coffee may look suspicious. Even though the waitress was somewhat spaced out and unlikely to notice, we asked for creamers.

Now, with an empty coffee cup ready to receive her mocha and creamers on the table, Amanda proceeded to make the transfer from the Starbucks cup to the Mama's mug. She did so off to the side against the wall below the table top where nobody could see.

And then she shrieked!

The lid popped off her Starbucks cup, spilling half of her Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha onto her jacket and the floor below. The other half made it into the Mama's mug. We scrambled for napkins to absorb the flood, soaking up what was on the floor and on Amanda's seat.

I was reminded of another Seinfeld episode -- the one when Kramer smuggles a latte into the movie theater inside his pants.

The Starbucks cup held the used napkins, and we even managed to poor the "iced tea" into it as well. By the time the waitress returned, all she saw was two cups of coffee (one with creamer) and two empty water glasses (both with a little ice since we dumped some of mine into Amanda's). The waitress was none the wiser.

OK, sure, it's not like we really got away with anything spectacular -- bit the antics of it all were fun. And since we may have caused our waitress some grief after we left due to the hidden mess we had made, we gave her a nice big "Merry Christmas!" tip. You may call it a "guilt tip" but it's still money in her hands this time of year.