Permanent "Man Card" status?

Forgot to tell you ...

Last Monday, I took Braden to buy a few Christmas presents. As we were about to leave, I heard two of the staff members shrieking in the back by the service exit door. My initial thought: Somebody is trying to break in or attack one of the workers, taking advantage of the dark alley behind the building!

I looked around the corner and saw that the back door was open. One of the young ladies was looking outside and asking if the other were OK. My next thought: There was only a mild degree of panic, so there must not be an intruder. The other employee must be hurt and needs help!

As I approached the door, I saw that the presumed-injured employee was standing outside the door, apparently in perfect health. My CSI skills detected that they were both looking in the same direction toward a spot on the ground about six feet from the door. My next thought: These silly little girls saw a harmless mouse and are overreacting a bit, if you ask me.

I could not see anything in the dark shadows. Since I had approached the scene and was standing right next to them (with Braden in tow), I felt obliged to ask if everything were OK. My next thought: When they tell me they saw a mouse, Lord, please give me the strength not to laugh.

"It's a snake!" one of them shrieked. Sure enough, that nearly indistinguishable dark mass there in the shadows was a coiled up snake. While we could have left well enough alone, an inner urge inside of me swelled up and the need -- yes, the need -- to neutralize the threat took over. My next thought: Must ... kill ... snake!

The serpent was about 18 inches long, although it will grow to about five feet in a few years when I retell this story every time I go in to Mad Potter. One of the employees handed me a sponge mop handle at first, but that really only served to annoy the demon. It started coming back toward the doorway as if it were taunting me. I traded in the sponge mop handle for a heavy metal display fixture of some kind. With my new weapon in hand, I set about to crush the serpent. It took a few blows to finish the job since it kept trying to slither away ... but it was not match for me, I tell you what. My next thought: I am a hero!

The employees thanked me for saving their lives. As we came back into the store, none of the other customers seemed to have a clue about what had transpired -- about how I had rescued them from living out a scene from Anaconda or any snake-based SciFi Channel movie-of-the-week. My next thought: Those SciFi Channel movies sure are lame, aren't they?

My second-to-last thought of the evening was, "Well, this should really earn me a life-time 'Man Card' -- I can't wait to tell Hilburn!" My final thought, though, was, "I wonder if the fact that all of this went down at The Mad Potter will negate my heroism and my permanent 'Man Card' eligibility?"

You decide.