Jesus in the 'burbs

Turns out, Jesus has already returned and set up shop right here in H-Town. How convenient for us.

And by "us" I mean the loons who believe this guy.

• Report on KHOU Channel 11
• Dr. Jose Luis de Jesus Miranda's website (English and Spanish)

Simply The Best

Here's another one of my children. This one appears in the Houston Press' "Best of Houston 2006" edition (hit the streets today, September 28). You can find the ad on page 10, opposite the table of contents. (Location! Location! Location!)

Unfortunately, I'm having trouble uploading the JPG of the ad. Here's what it says:

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Best man.
Best friend.
Best lover.

Best Savior.

Life is not about being the best. It’s about knowing The Best. Let us introduce you to the best man you’ll ever meet, the best friend you’ll ever have, the best lover you’ll ever know. And He’s not just the best Savior, He’s the only true Savior in a world of false ones. So stop by and visit. We would love to introduce you to Jesus Christ.

HoustonsFirst.org

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When readers go to the website, they'll see an animated button with "Best man/Best friend/Best lover/Best Savior" on it. When they click the button, they'll go to a page that explains exactly why Jesus Christ is The Best.

Please pray that God will use this ad to reach people who need to hear the Truth -- people who need to truly know The Best!

Over the Top(pers)

Do you need proof that

(1) we have everything we need as a nation of consumers, or
(2) our scientists and engineers are bored silly?

If so, take a look at Keebler Townhouse Toppers. The Keebler website did not offer a product description, but here's one I found on another website:

"Keebler Townhouse Toppers are crackers that are built for topping, dipping or just munching straight out of the box. Raised edges help tasty nibbles stay put, and a crisp, strong ergonomic construction allows the crackers to hold heavy dips or scoop up hefty toppings."

Seriously? Who uses "ergonomic construction" to describe food? And is the trip from the dip bowl to your mouth so volatile that you need raised edges to help the dip stay put? We're not transporting your grandmother's china or liquid nitrogen. It's bean dip! For the love!

So, here's a question: What other products have you come across that serve as evidence of our nation having everything we need and of our scientists and engineers being bored silly?

It's trying

I would rather spend 5 minutes in a dressing room with an ebola-infected monkey than try on clothes.

That's all.

"Lost" and Found

Weeks ago, I lost my wallet. Talk about frustrating. Since I often eat here at work in the Garden Cafe and charge it to my bill, it took about a day or so before I realized I didn't have my wallet anymore. I just never needed it.

I searched my car, my office, and, yes, even my bedroom for the wallet. Since many of you know how notoriously disastrous my room is, that was quite an endeavor. In fact, I held out hope for a few days before cancelling my cards thinking that somehow, in the midst of the debris field that is my room, my wallet would appear. But it did not.

So, I cancelled my debit and credit card, mourned the loss of my laminated picture of me and George W. Bush, and came to grips with the reality that I would have to venture to the DPS office to get a new driver license.

Fortunately, Catha Duck and Laura Bell needed to go to the DPS, too. One of them lost her license and one of them let her license expire. Catha sent an Evite to me and Laura (the smallest Evite I've ever received) inviting us to join her on a trip to the DPS.

Our trip could be a whole blog entry in itself. The process of just getting to the DPS office was eventful enough. Once we arrived ... well, that's when the hilarity really began. I was reminded while there that if you ever need an ego boost, go to to the DPS office. You are almost certain to be the best looking person there. Unless, of course, you go with Catha and Laura. (How sweet was that?)

Anywho ... I bought a cheap wallet at Target to replace the one I lost. My new debit and credit cards came with all new numbers that I have to memorize. And I'm constantly having to update automatic billing information as vendors send me notices that they could not process my payment since the debit card is no longer valid. What a hassle. And I hate hassles. Hate 'em.

But on Wednesday of this week, while doing some laundry, I felt a suspicous lump. There it was -- my wallet, securely located in the front pocket of a pair of khakis along with a grape Jolly Rancher.

I know what you're thinking. "Why grape? Watermelon is the best!" Well, that's what some of you are thinking. The rest of you are thinking, "Why didn't you check your dirty clothes earlier?"

I did. I just overlooked it. Again, consider the context of my room. Needle in a haystack, folks. Needle in a haystack.

For me, the moral of the story is this: I have too many pants. If I can go for over a month and not need that pair of khakis in the rotation, I have a problem. Either I have too many, or I wear the same pairs too often. Either way, it ain't right.

So, my wallet is back, $53 is safe, and my picture of me and W is ready to show off. The best part of all this? My driver license photo reflect 4 years of haircuts -- or lack thereof.

Baby pictures

Since I do not have kids of my own, I've had to stick with showing pictures of and telling stories about my niece and nephew for the past 12 years. But since Kyle and Kristin entered junior high school this year, their pictures may be mistaken for some folks in Summit Ministries.

It's time for me to get some more "children" to show off.

So, how about one of our advertising campaigns? They feel like children to me -- we conceived the idea, they were born, and now they're turning into productive members of the family. Or at least we pray they'll be productive!

Here's one of our kids -- our electronic display at Reliant Stadium. Our 30-second spot is shown at least once per quarter during every Houston Texans home game. This picture was taken during the team's pre-game warm-up at their sold-out season opener this past Sunday.

Isn't she adorable?

Over The Limit

Well, it looks like I won't be taking any mission trips again. At least not on Continental.

Weighing Anchors

Move over, Stan! I'm taking all of my photo touch-up jobs to CBS! Besides, I might bump into my sweet Katie while I'm there.

Speaking of which, my sweet Katie debuts as anchor of the CBS Evening News on September 5 at 5:30 pm. That's next week, people! NEXT WEEK! Set your TiVos.

If you're concerned about me, don't worry. My cultivation group meets at my house on Tuesday nights. They'll help me snap out of it ... until the next week.

Park & Ride & Worship

Here's our off-site parking solution: MetroRail. Check out the line along Post Oak.

Just think ... park at the Galleria and ride the rail to church. Or, if you're on a budget, park at NorthWest Mall and ride the rail. Your choice.

Restroom Reading

Went to dinner with some folks the other night so we could catch up with Dovie. She's in H-Town for the week. Good to see her, and her hair looked GREAT -- despite some recent drama at the salon. You'll have to ask her about "the fan."

Anywho ... Dave went to the restroom. When he came back, he asked me how long HFBC has been advertising in the men's room.

"Finally!" I thought. I get to see one of our ads. The director of Adult Ministries paid for CSI: Houston to be featured in restroom "billboards" located above the urinals in men's rooms (and I assume inside the stall doors in the women's rooms). This was the first time for me to see one.

So, I went to the men's room and awkwardly took a couple of pictures with my camera phone when nobody else was around. I came back to the group and showed some peeps the pictures. When I closed my phone, I noticed that the time was ...

9:11 pm.

I cannot make this stuff up even if I tried.

Anticipation

I once read where the Bushes planned to announce their decision in late Spring or early Summer. So, I've been checking the Baylor website everyday, and I set up a Google alert to notify me of anything that may come across on the internet.

Now, I have to keep this up for 4 or 5 more months! Maybe I should send him the results of my scientific poll (on your right) to help speed things along.

It's that time ... again!

While at Minute Maid Park last night, I glanced up at the clock to see what time it was.

9:11, of course.

That was the first time I had looked at the clock (or my watch) all night long, so it wasn't as if my mind subconsciously knew that 9:11 was coming soon. I had no feel for what time it was!

Happy Anniv ... no, birthd ... no ... what is it?

Wow ... I missed my own birthday.

August 12, 2006, marked the first anniversary of my first post on my blog.

So ... is it an anniversary? If so, what's the traditional gift?

Is it a birthday? If so, where's my cake?

Is it an irrelevant, meaningless event? If so, why am I posting about it?

Introducing FaithHouston.com

CityFest Houston is less than two months away (October 7 and 8). A new website is being developed as we speak to serve as a tool to help continue the good work God has in store for us that weekend -- FaithHouston.com.

I have had no involvement with this website yet, but have been invited to help test the site in the coming weeks. From what I understand, they need individuals to help test it, too. If you're interested, feel free to sign up on the website.

In God's amazing way, I've had the opportunity to meet some of the folks behind this project -- even before I landed my current gig on staff at HFBC. They're great people with kingdom-focused desires to reach H-Town with the truth of God's Word.

Pray for God's fingerprints to be all over this project -- and for Satan's guaranteed attacks to fall flat. The last thing the enemy would want would be for the believers in H-Town to unite in His name!

Another 'Sign' of the Time

It happened again.

I was talking to a friend on the phone on Friday. She said she had to go because she was running late for a 9:00 am meeting. Instinctively, I glanced at my computer screen to see what time it was.

Yep. 9:11 am.

Sign of the Time

I have been putting off posting this for a few weeks now. I'm not really sure what to make of this, and am fearful that people will slap the "crazy" label on me once you read it. But it's just too darn intriguing not to share.

For the past two months or so, I have seen the numbers 911 more often than normal.

There was one week when on at least four or five occasions -- when I looked to see the time either on my cell phone, my oven, or my computer -- the time was 9:11.

Yesterday, I checked my Blogger profile for the first time in months. And there it was -- my profile had been viewed 911 times.

This morning, I received a phone call, looked down at the caller ID, and noticed that the time was 9:11.

I just don't know where to "land" on this one.

• Is it a "sign" of some kind? (Oh, how I hate the sound of that question!)
• Is it simply a coincidence? (But is there really such a thing?)
• Have I seen other numbers just as often but simply not noticed them because they lack any significance?
• Am I subconsciously looking at the clock around 9:11 two times a day, kinda like a self-fulfilling prophecy of some kind?

The fact that this year is the five year anniversary of 9/11 is certainly not lost on me. Perhaps I just take this and pray for the victims' families and for our nation's continued protection from future attacks. Or, maybe I avoid clocks two times a day.

Santa Claus ain't nothin'!

Here are some things that I believed at some point in my youth. Since I'm in my mid-thirties, let me clarify that by "youth" I mean 10 years old and younger.

Feel free to share some of your childhood beliefs (or misunderstandings), as well!

1. When born, babies came out of their mother's belly button.
2. Stoplights were placed there to give drivers a break every once in a while. That's why I thought the people who built highways were so inconsiderate.
3. Just as children attended the school closest to them, people were supposed to attend the church closest to them.
4. When I read on the cover of a magazine that Lynda Carter was "the most beautiful woman in the world," I thought to myself, "Well, I guess they finally found her." Then I felt sorry for my mom, my teachers, and the women at my church because it had been made official and they had no reason to try to be pretty.

OK. Your turn.

And the winner is ...

Unknown.

According to my account on Tracksy.com, the 10,000th viewer of my blog is Unknown. All I know is that around 2:00 pm today, this reader viewed 51 pages using Internet Explorer on a computer running on Windows XP.

It also indicates that the reader is from Stepford -- oops, I mean Plano -- but I'm pretty sure that has more to do with where his or her ISP is based and not necessarily where he or she lives. (Right?)

My friend Lane Roebuck missed the 10,000th honor by just one. She was next on the list. Thanks, though, Lane for your continued support! (And if it wasn't you, then there is somebody else at tuts.com checking me out!)

It's Good To Have A Goal

One day, I'll be able to do this ...

Don't Mess This Up

Want to give the State of Texas a permanent place in New York City?

"Don't Mess with Texas" has been nominated as one of the best slogans of all time. The slogan is nominated alongside Nike's "Just Do It" and Wheaties' "The Breakfast of Champions."

(For those of you who are thinking, "Actually, 'Just Do It' is a much better slogan" -- you just don't get it. It's not about that. It's about state pride. And, on top of that, you are wrong.)

Winners are selected American Idol-style with online voting. If it wins, a plaque will be placed on Madison Avenue's "Walk of Fame" and it will get a permanent place at the Advertising Icon Museum in Kansas City.

With 22 million Texans, how can we lose? Here's how you can help.

1. Most important, go to www.votedmwt.com and vote for "Don't Mess with Texas." One vote per computer, so you can vote at work and at home.

2. Forward this email or the above link today to friends, family and coworkers and ask them to vote for "Don't Mess with Texas."

3. Post this on your blog.