"Men of Feagan" Calendar

Here's a sneak preview of the Men of Feagan calendar. Look for it in major bookstores and other national retailers later this year -- and the Garden Bookstore, too.

Today's Seinfeld Moment (#4)

Actually, this is from yesterday ...

At Mike and Brandi's wedding, Taylor Tran asked about my tuxedo shirt. She was trying to tell if it were white or off-white. Then she asked what kind of fabric it was. Needing physical proof that it was not silk, she reached over and felt the fabric of my sleeve between her thumb and index finger. And Joel followed suit.

Jekyll and Hyde

The many dance faces of Joel Bain ...

Notice that he smiles only when facing Taylor. Adorable.

Today's Seinfeld Moment (#3)

At Mike and Brandi's rehearsal dinner tonight, her 18 year old nephew was sitting at my table. He began running his finger around the rim of his water glass creating a loud ringing sound. Several other people at the table joined him, with Stan having two or three glasses going, each with a different pitch.

I finally gave in and started with my own glass. It was quickly evident that, like most everything else that I do or say, mine was the loudest. Significantly so. Todd said that I had the Kavorka.

Today's Seinfeld Moment (#2)

My former co-worker sent me pictures of her little girl. She is breathtaking!

Today's Seinfeld Moment (#1)

My colleague and I took our respective administrative professionals to lunch today in honor of Administrative Professionals' Day. For an appetizer, I had the lobster bisque.

My Inner-Grumpy

For the record, my inner-Grumpy wrote the post about large groups and long tables. He sure can be a jerk, huh? If I had written it, it would have sounded much nicer and much less condescending.

What my inner-Grumpy failed to recognize are the well-meaning, good intentions of those who live in the "one large table" camp. In my opinion, his comments sounded a bit too -- dare I say -- judgmental. Don't worry. I'll have a talk with him and point out the errors of his ways.

While my inner-Grumpy and I may share the same frustration with one large table, you will not find him at my table for four -- so please do not hesitate to join me!

A Different Kind Of News

Long story short ... I'm going to Cuba.

Long story a little less short ... somebody had to back out of the trip with Summit Ministries at HFBC. Another person had to fill the spot by today in order to get the new person's name on the ticket (or something like that). I was available ... yada yada yada ... I'm going to Cuba.

In 1989, I went on a tour of Europe, including a few days in Moscow. It was the summer before the Wall came down, so the Soviets were still calling the shots. Knowing that we would be meeting with college students during our trip, I packed various magazines with Reagan or Gorbachev on the cover. Or were they winning lottery tickets? Or long-lost relatives? Whatever they were, the students responded with exuberant shouts and joyful tears. I will never forget that encounter -- if not for their appreciation, then for the poorly lit discotheque in which it took place.

So back I go to a communist nation. Not sure yet what the rules are about items we can or cannot bring in to Fidel's island. (I'm only familiar with what we cannot bring out!) However, this time I'll be bringing a different type of news -- the good news!

Nights Of The Long Table

Why is it that large groups always insist on sitting at one long table at restaurants?

(I would ask why do large groups of Christians always insist upon it, but I'm not sure that it's just us. Since I'm rarely in large groups of non-believers, I cannot really attest to their seating preferences.)

Think this through with me:

• Sitting at one long table doesn't enable you to speak to every person at the table. Sound does not travel any faster or better through contiguous tables. I still cannot hear the person sitting twelve people away from me.
• When putting tables together, you lose seats. Two tables of four make one table for six -- unless you have people who like sitting on the crack, and who likes that?
• Sitting at one long table is risky business for people who like to talk. We've all been there. You sit in the middle thinking you've cased out the best seat, with access to everyone, only to find yourself in no-man's-land between conversations at either end of the table.
• Many Sunday Bible studies in the singles department have "dinner for 6" events so people in the class can get to know people in a more intimate setting. Why not make every lunch or dinner with the class just as intimate and simply sit at the tables and booths as you find them?

(Ironically, after softball tonight, I went to dinner with The Shed (my former class). I was the first one to get there and grabbed a long picnic table that would seat about 20 people. Knowing how peeps would want a long table, I figured I would grab one already in place. That way, only three tables had to be moved for the rest of the group. Nice compromise.)

Perhaps the greatest concern of mine is the impact on the restaurant workers. At the risk of sounding holier-than-thou, it troubles me to see large groups rearrange a restaurant and then leave it how they left it -- not how they found out.

Think about it. Everybody in the group chips in to move the tables and chairs (since it ain't always easy work). But then the same amount of work is often left to one underpaid busboy (or girl) to put it all back in place. That's not cool, and for a church group, that's not a good witness.

So, why the desire to be shoulder-to-shoulder with 20 people? My best guesses:

• People believe that proximity demonstrates their unity. Or perhaps, that their unity will increase due to their proximity.
• People fear being stuck at a table of 4 with people they do not know -- or with people they know but with whom they do not care to talk. There is safety in numbers.

(Am I anywhere close to being right?)

My friends have known for years that this is a pet peeve of mine -- an annoyance that I just cannot shake. I feel like this is a one-man crusade against nights of the long tables (or afternoons if you go to morning church).

If you and I are ever in a large group together and we go to lunch or dinner, come join me in my booth or at my table for four. I look forward to getting to know you!

Miss Ellie Is Turning In Her Grave

This article just took the wind out of my sails on San Jacinto Day.

Even though I despise the city of Dallas with every fiber of my being, I was a big fan of the show by the same name. (Weren't we all?) To see such a fine piece of our American TV heritage tainted like this is just too much to take.

J.Lo as Sue Ellen? Actually, I guess I can see that one. She can be tough, and she can play the victim card quite well. On top of that, the girl does like her bling. Adding a Hispanic to the cast may be a first, too. Good casting.

But Vinny Barbarino as J.R. Ewing? No. Not cool. Not cool at all. Unacceptable. Completely unacceptable. I would have cast any number of other people as J.R. before John "Battlefield Earth" Travolta.

For starters, how about Matthew McConaughey? He's got the accent, the swagger. (Note: I have used the word "swagger" in two consecutive posts. Not so sure I've ever used the word "swagger" in two consecutive years.)

Matthew too young? How about Harrison Ford. He's got the age factor, and can look wealthy and distinguished when needed. Although, viewers tend to not like to hate Harrison -- and an earring wouldn't fly at Southfork.

What about Tommy Lee Jones? He's got the accent, too, and could certainly keep J.Lo in line (whatever that means). But maybe he's too rugged looking. I don't think J.R. ever did a hard day's work in his life.

I give up. Who do you think should play J.R.?

"Remember the Alamo!"

"Honor the Texas flag; I pledge allegiance to thee, Texas, one and indivisible."

Today is the 170th anniversary of the Battle of San Jacinto -- that heroic moment when General Sam Houston and his gang defeated a napping Santa Anna over near present-day Baytown. Growing up in B-Town, passing by the San Jacinto monument on I-10 was always a sign that I was almost home as I sat in the back seat of the family station wagon. Though technically not in B-Town, it was close enough. And on top of that, our mall was named after it.

You gotta love ol' Sam. Be sure to read his biography, The Raven, by Marquis James. Fascinating character, Sam was. Ran away from home to live with Indians. Taught himself the law. Served two terms in Congress, appearing once in the House chamber dressed in full Indian regalia. And then there was the mysterious "incident" during his honeymoon after marrying a much younger woman which left them estranged forever.

Anyway ... thanks to good ol' Sam, today we celebrate the day we won our independence. (Did you know that his statue in Hermann Park points toward San Jacinto?)

For those of you born in Texas, be sure to stand a little taller.

Put a little more swagger in your step.

You deserve it.

The Very Hairs On My Head

"... even the very hairs of your head are all numbered." (Matthew 10:30)

I graduated from barber shop to salon today.

It wasn't an easy decision to make. First, my barber shop is much cheaper. Second, my barber shop is in Rice Village so it always provides me with an excuse to run errands (read = "stop by The Gap"). Third, I prefer telling people I go to a barber shop than a salon (despite my public confession about spending a day at the spa).

But it was becoming apparent that my hair had outgrown the skills of the barber shop. Or I was just getting picky. (You decide.) Regardless, the multidimensional layers, briarpatch-like density, and rogue curls were well beyond what a 15-minute drive-by with a clipper could handle.

So a friend of mine gave me the name of the guy he goes to -- Eric. He's a Christian guy, has a 9 year-old son, attends classes at a local Bible college, and eventually wants to go into ministry. And he owns the salon. Great guy.

The best part of my visit was overhearing the conversation between the stylist at the station next to me and her elderly female customer. It was a glimpse into a whole other world -- a world where women get their hair set once a week and miraculously keep it like that until the following week. (Not sure if that's miraculous so much as it is gross.)

When the customer with her freshly set Dallas-style helmet-hair was ready to leave, she handed the stylist her check. As politely as she possibly could (seemingly so as not to offend this matriarch of somebody's family), the stylist asked the woman if she meant to use a pencil to write her check. "Did I really?" asked Miss Ellie, "Oh well, at least I know you. You won't change the amount, right?" She then asked the stylist for help getting her keys out of her purse. She had her nails done earlier (with orange polish since she was "sick of that %@&# red") and didn't want to risk messing them up excavating in her big ol' matriarch purse/trunk.

Anywho ... the hair is fine. I think I lost about 10 or 12 pounds as a result. At least that's what I'm telling myself to justify eating a double-pepperoni pizza at 9:30 pm tonight. I can't keep that up for long, though, because as His word tell us ...

"... the hair on his head began to grow again after it had been shaved." (Judges 16:22)

College and Chocolate-Covered Watermelon

Good times today with my niece and nephew. Here are a few of the moments . . .

(LEFT) Kristin enjoys one of the chocolate-covered strawberries she made. Joel and Taylor ... she might be able to cater your reception if you're interested. Just don't order the chocolate-covered watermelon pieces. She has not quite perfected those. (And honestly, I hope she doesn't. Those just don't do it for me.)

(RIGHT) Kyle tries to hold on to Heidi (their lab and red heeler mix) as she sets her sites on a flock of baby ducks out in the lake. She eventually jumped in and swam toward them, but Mama Duck put up a fight. Actually, it wasn't a fight so much as it was just an annoying back-and-forth swim accompanied by top-of-the-lungs annoying quacking. I think Heidi could have gotten through, but seriously - I mean annoying! It made me wish I were a hunter - right then and there.

(LEFT) Grandma (my mom) tried a new recipe for Easter dessert at Kyle's request - peanut butter cup cheesecake. Here, Kristin and Grandma start dishing it out for everybody. (That's Kyle below with his first of two servings.) When they were young (and when I was a kid, too), Grandma used to make an Easter bunny using two flat round cakes. A couple of strategic cuts of one of 'em and she had two ears and a bowtie to add to the other. Slap on some white frosting, shredded coconut, jelly beans, Twizzlers, gum drops - and you've got an edible bunny cake! I guess we've all moved on to more "grown up" desserts these days.

They only have about five weeks left of elementary school, and then they're on to junior high next year. I asked them how many years before they go off to college, and Kristin shouted out "Seven!" almost before I could finish the question. I have just seven years to convince them that Baylor is the best choice. If they were to pack up for college today, they would be headed to Austin. I guess that's better than another alternative. Like the chocolate-covered watermelon, it just doesn't do it for me.

Got Junk?

To answer the questions posed by the truck, "Yes. I got junk."

Actually, as of 9:27 this morning, I got less junk than I did when I woke up. That's when Nick and Javier pulled out of my driveway with a healthy payload of junk that used to occupy parts of my garage and what you might call my "backyard" (for lack of a better term).

I know what you're wondering. Why didn't I just throw it away (for free) instead of having the guys from 1-800-GOT-JUNK haul it away (for a fee)? Good question.

Those who know me well know that I wrestle with having too much junk. It's been nearly 16 months since I've allowed anybody to see my bedroom due to the piles of stuff I've accumulated there. I've been at my job for just two months and my desk is already a disaster. My SUV is so cluttered that I rarely have room for passengers. Clearly, I have issues when trying to keep my life free of junk. I got junk.

So, setting an appointment and paying a fee was a motivator for me to do some cleaning. I know myself well enough to know that it would be a long time -- if ever -- before I could (or would) go through and throw away all of the junk on my own. It would be more than just filling a Hefty bag. It would require figuring out the heavy trash pick up days, hauling some big items to wherever big items are supposed to go, and ... well, those two tasks are deal-breakers enough. No need to list a third.

In hindsight, maybe there's a spiritual parallel. I cannot get rid of the junk in my life through my own efforts. Sure, it may be tempting to "do it yourself" and be the All-American male homeowner spending a day sweating it out in the garage and unloading piles at the city dump. (Actually, that does not tempt me at all.) The fact is, the junk in my life was becoming a permanent fixture in my home and I needed somebody else to take it away.

Sounds like what Christ did for us on the Cross. We cannot get rid of the sin (the "junk") in our lives on our own. It may be tempting to try, but we will always fail. Always. Instead, if we invite Him in and give Him access to the junk, He'll haul it away for us. That's what Nick and Javier did this morning. I opened my garage door, pointed to the piles, and they did all the heavy lifting. With them, I paid a fee. With Jesus, He paid it for me.

Got junk? Not anymore.

Isn't that special!

Could I possibly sound any more like the Church Lady in this? Click here and watch the video.

Bless my heart.

Blahgs

Blogs that are not updated are blahgs. I'm not sure if that's an original term or not, but it came to mind this morning and I was proud of it.

So that begs the question, "Who has the worst blahg?"

Well, I took a look at the links to my friends' blogs to see if any had morphed into blahgs. In order of their last updates (by date) here are the rankings, from most recent to most blah:

22. Laurie Johnson / Dovie Keprta (last update: TODAY)
18. David Hilburn / Lisa Karabatsos / Stan Kwan / Ryan Riley (last update: April 11, 2006)
16. Carissa Vaughn / YiMay Yang (last update: April 10, 2006)
15. Arshunda Washington (last update: April 9, 2006)
14. Lori Latham (last update: April 7, 2006)
11. Joel Bain / Kelly Parker / Chris Windham (last update: April 5, 2006)
9. Jessica Reeve / Todd Richards (last update: April 4, 2006)
8. Erin van Volkenburgh (last update: April 3, 2006)
6. Rob Crawford / Katie Strautman (last update: March 31, 2006)
5. Leslie Follmer (last update: March 29, 2006)
4. Les Brown (last update: March 20, 2006)
3. Raj Parikh (last update: February 21, 2006)
2. Alyssa Ross (last update: January 4, 2006)
1. Greg Leach (last update: September 3, 2005)

So, congrats to Laurie and Dovie. And congrats to those of you in 11th place and lower for all posting within the last week. But those of you in the March timeframe ... seriously? Just pull the plug already. (Except for Les ... he's a new father, so he's busy.)

Alyssa? Greg? You may want to ask Joel for help. He effectively moved from blahg back to blog recently. Maybe he can give you some pointers.

Tearing Down Walls (Part 2)

On Sunday, I received another e-mail from "Bob" (the guy who ran into the wall). Since I had not heard from him in a week or so and the ball was in his court to reply, I sent a message late last week just to see if he were OK -- and to gauge whether he really wanted to keep in touch.

Fortunately, he does. He asked about our worship service schedule in his most recent message. I gave him the details and invited him to join us some week. I also restated my offer to take him to lunch or dinner.

Your prayers for Bob are appreciated. I'm sure the last thing the enemy wants is for him to make it back to church -- and to God. Pray against any new walls going up in Bob's life!

Mourning In America

Wednesday morning was the beginning of the end of a very long chapter of my life. Katie Couric announced her plans to leave the Today show for the anchor seat on the CBS Evening News.

Yes, Katie is liberal. And no, I am not. I realize that. In fact, I can only recall voting for one Democrat in my life -- Texas Lt. Gov. Bob Bullock (a fine Baylor alumnus). But other guys have learned to live with their spouse's political differences. Look at James Carville and Mary Matalin. They figured out how to make it work, right? Thanks for blazing that trail, James.

While Katie may have been waking up America for 15 years now (Wednesday was her anniversary), I was not really a fan in the early days. To be honest with you, I still missed Jane Pauley and was more than a little turned off by the Deborah Norville era. (You can probably see clips of her days as host in the "What Were They Thinking?" section of the Museum of Broadcast Communication.) On top of that, Katie had not quite developed her look just yet.

But as the years passed, we watched as Bryant left her, Matt joined her, and she had a ... um ... "procedure" on live TV. And, we wished we were related to her when she signed a 5-year contract for $60 million. (Do the math. That comes out to about $50,000 per weekday.) Along the way, Katie and the gang became a part of my morning ritual -- especially after I bought a TV that I could program to come on in the morning, functioning as one of many alarm clocks.

I've been to Rockefeller Plaza twice in hopes of seeing the Today show folks outside. The first time was by myself on New Year's Day 1995 (my friends slept in). I made it on TV, but Katie and Bryant had the day off. Then, in 2003, I coerced some friends to not only drag themselves down to the Plaza early in the morning, but to also wear t-shirts from my surprise birthday party ("SWM 2008 -- Good Times! Good Times!"). We were able to see Katie in person, and Al Roker pointed to our shirts and said, "Good times! Good times!" But the hopes of meeting Katie were shattered.

So, now I have a little less than two months left before Katie leaves me -- um, I mean leaves us, her millions of fans. I'm not sure I can keep this up once she jumps to CBS. Not only am I rarely home at 5:30 pm, but 30 minutes of Katie being un-perky would just be too much to endure.

Like watching a butterfly without her wings.

I See Dating People

So, on Sunday evening while I was nursing a "Love It" size dish of mint ice cream with Heath Bar mix-ins at Cold Stone Creamery, I discovered that a couple of my friends were dating.

(If you are wondering who they are, don't ask. I will wait for them to out themselves here on this blog. I'm pretty sure that it is not a secret, but if I were to share their names, you would focus more on them and not on the story. And since this is my blog, I need you to pay attention to me. OK?)

Back to Cold Stone ...

I sat there in disbelief -- not about the fact that they are dating (which I think is great), but about the fact that I did not know. How could this have happened? How did this get by me? How was this inner-looper SO far out of the loop?

And then images started coming back to me. Images from the past few days of my life. Random images of moments that nearly went unnoticed or unquestioned at the time, but which suddenly carried great significance and meaning. Everything was beginning to make sense -- and I didn't even realize that everything didn't make sense to me to begin with!

I was living out the closing scene from The Sixth Sense.

With this new awareness of my friends' relationship, the last few days of my life flashed before my eyes -- eyes which now had the benefit of 20/20 vision ...

• so that's why he came to home team for the first time in a very long time (I thought it was some sort of spiritual awakening)
• so that's why she was at our class event one hour early (I thought she may have read the class calendar incorrectly)
• so that's why she called him for directions to the restaurant on Sunday (I thought she just called somebody whom she knew was going)
• so that's why they sat next to each other at dinner and held hands (I thought ... well, I'm not really sure what I thought about that)

Now my senses are more refined. They are more sensitive to dating people lurking among us. You may or may not notice them. In fact, many people have come to believe that they do not exist at all. But trust me when I tell you that they do. I should know ... I've seen them!

A Very Special Delivery

I've been waiting to post about this until the story had fully unfolded ... and it finally has!

As some of you know, I mailed a package to Ricky in India last week. This was something that I had put off for quite a while, to be honest with you -- not knowing how best to mail it, and not knowing what would be best to send to my brother on the other side of the world.

I finally got my act together and rounded up some things to ship. Among the contents were Daily in His Presence by Andrew Murray (the HFBC daily devotional for 2006), a book about prayer, a book about the Christian faith, some prayer guides from Pray The Word Ministries (praying for your local church and for your pastor), and copies of HFBC's Ekklesia magazine (Missions 2006) in which I mention in an article that Ricky prayed for me while I was in Guatemala last May.

To send the package certified -- so I could track it and verify that it arrived -- would have cost more than $100. Thanks, but no thanks. The cheapest route would have taken up to 2 or 3 months for it to arrive (yes, 2 or 3 months). So, I opted for the middle of the road option and paid about $43 to get it there in 4-8 business days.

I have to tell you that when I went to the Post Office at West Gray and Dunlavy, God provided me with a Christian postal worker -- Shirley. Since I showed up with my stack of contents and no box, she saw the titles of the books I was sending. Shirley's face lit up -- and the encouraging words started to flow!

She said how grateful she was to see a "young man" (that's me -- YOUNG!) with Christian literature and material. I told her the story about Ricky -- my brother on the other side of the world in India. I think it became Shirley's mission in that moment to do all she could to make sure that that package got to Ricky. We spent about 15 minutes looking over the options, ensuring that we had the address formatted the right way, weighing the pros and cons of each delivery method -- while she periodically quoted scripture and prayed over the package!

(Apparently, Shirley was going to retire last year, but God told her to "be still" and to stay at the Post Office. He wasn't done with her yet, she said. I'm so glad that He wasn't!)

Well, I received an e-mail from Ricky today. The package arrived! Here's what he had to say:

"JA MASIH KI, brother. Its like a dream coming true. Thanking you very much I received your package yesterday (31th, March). I cant express my joyness. This is a first time I got a mail from foreign. More than me my parents were waiting for your mail. All the peoples of my street gathered to see your mail. My grandmother was blessing you. I will distribute your magazine, but unlucky noone will be able to read and just see pictures given in it. Brother, you should have given my picture in magazine. You have increased my and mine parents respect by mentioning my name in the magazine. Thanks very much for the package."

I would appreciate your prayers as I continue to encourage Ricky in his faith from the other side of the world through e-mail. Also, please pray that he is able to make the most of the materials I provided him. He has some understanding of English, although I am not sure how skilled he is. Pray that the Spirit is able to give him the understanding that he needs! Finally, please pray that Ricky and his family (and the people in his village) are not focused on me and the package I sent, but rather on God and the Gift that He has given us all!

This week, I'm going back to the Post Office to tell Shirley that the package arrived. I told her that I would!